Citizenship and Identity

I am an Indian, am I not?

I mean when I look into the mirror, I see brown skin and black hair. I can speak Indian, even though not particularly well. My parents come from India, but I was born in Germany. I regularly go to the Indian Mass, although I do not understand much of it. For everyone who sees me, I am the Indian. Myself, I see this somewhat differently. I go to a mixed school. My friends are Germans, Poles, Turks, Croats and Bulgars, both boys and girls. In my free time I waste my time in front of the tele, cycle or go inline skating. Okay, this is not necessarily typically German, but it is also not characteristic for the leisure time activities of Indian juveniles. I basically join in anything stupid that is happening. As a matter of fact one thus has to ask oneself, what makes me feel Indian after all. Good Question, I do not know the precise answer either. On the one hand naturally my appearance is responsible for my not feeling like an average German. On the other hand once in a while I get to hear from my parents that I am an Indian and not a German and that I should thus adjust my lifestyle a bit to that of my compatriots. Why I should do so, I do not really know, especially since I see my relatives only every other year. Nonetheless I have to say that I do not find the German way of living that tempting that I immediately want to become a German.

It is not, that I do not like India, that is not at all the case. I just would like to have something, about which I as an Indian in Germany could be proud and I do not mean India's self-declaration as a nuclear state. I personally would already be happy, if India was better or at least in some way represented internationally in sports. Maybe this is a banal way of establishing a relationship to one's own country, but it would at least be a beginning. This conflict between Indian and German also surfaces in the question about whether I should apply for German citizenship and thus put up with the loss of my official Indian identity.

The whole thing is pretty complicated, if one takes the time to think about it. And I think I have no other choice but to let life take its course and to hope that it will end in as favourable as possible a reconciliation or better union of the two cultures with which many/all "Indo-Germans" live.

Bobby Cherian, Bad Boll 1998 (translation by Urmila Goel)

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© Urmila Goel, urmila.de / english or Desis in Deutschland/ Zweite Generation /Citizenship 1998/2004